CINDY

 

Delving into my childhood.....maybe I'll discover why I'm who I am.......This is Cindy, my collie buddy.....my aunt Nell and I had twin collies......Cindy was a wonderful companion....even tempered, gentle, affectionate.....so gentle and loving.....i dressed her in all sorts of outfits, which she wore, indifferent to the ungainliness of the attire.....shorts, long pants, shirts, hats.....she was always smiling....and sooooo beautiful......she was free to do as she pleased....and she would visit all the neighbors and play with all the other kids and all the other animals.......she didn't meet anyone or anything that she didn't get along with......but then......there was the evil, angry and depressed spinster woman that lived a distance away......Cindy would cross this woman's yard to get to a goldfish pond, nearby, in which she loved to cavort........The woman called my mother, complaining that she found our dog's trespass across her yard....annoying and unacceptable.......Mother pleaded with our neighbor, saying "Cindy is such a free and loving spirit.....and would never harm anyone.....please let her be your friend." The next day, Cindy staggered home....off balance......she fell into my arms and was having difficulty breathing.......my Father and I rushed her to the animal hospital, where she died.......of Strichnine poisoning! I was as sad as I can remember......and then......the Rage! But I could do nothing! I had seen how loneliness and dispair can corrupt the spirit of humans.......even today, i cannot bear the expression of condemnatory anger.......The irony......that I was so angry myself......I couldn't forgive her for murdering precious Cindy! I plotted to kill HER! to burn down her sinister dwelling! but.....I did nothing! It was years later.....30 or so......that I went to her house.....she was in her late 80's.....she knew who I was......she knew why I was there! I looked into her unremorseful and unhappy eyes....there was still an evil fire in them......the misanthrope! Surprised, I felt sorrow and compassion for her.......all her life had been so full of unhappiness.........I told her that I no longer wished her death by a million tortures.......she turned around, abruptly, slamming the door in my face......through the glass door viewer, i watched her hobble into the dark recesses of her solitary world.........Collapsing to my knees, I wept for a long time..........and now I find this photograph of Cindy.......I am weeping still........Why?